From date to hate
Ladies and gents I wanted to discuss something that will, has or has repeatedly happened to anyone who has ever dated more then one person in their entire lives, what I am talking about is the transformation of wanting to be with someone who you believe is totally great you couldn’t be happier with them and then in the end of it all you hate them, perhaps not hate but close to. I have had many of those relationships where I have ended up totally wanting to never speak to these people ever again and one person in particular that I went back and forth between dating and hating. I think that this happens because in the beginning of a relationship people try to put their best qualities out there in order to find someone and most of those things are appealing to the unsuspecting person, I'll give you an example, my ex was sweet, kind, caring compassionate and I saw all of those lovely thing for the first three months of our relationship and by that time I believed I was head over heals and when I revealed this that's when the gloves came off and I saw the true person. This person turned from all the lovely things mentioned above to; rude, temperamental, disrespectful and selfish, sure fair enough you become comfortable with a person enough to let them see what your really like but let me tell you something, if I had seen this before I got involved I wouldn’t have even considered this guy for a friend and that says a lot. How is it that the people we thought once to be a good match for us turn out to be people we actually cannot stand? I want to hear all the stories about people who have gone from date to hate and why. Also is it because people become so desperate not to be lonely and to have someone to call their own that we would consider going for the date that we will eventually hate?
posted by spicey pineapple @ 11:06 pm
7 Comments:
I think
a) people become attached easier than we all give credit for
b) people are fickle
c) familiarity breeds contempt
d) depends heavily on the timeframe
I'll talk to you about my thoughts later if you want, good blog idea though.
J.S.
My opinion doesn't seem totally valid in this matter but my sympathies (but not the patronising kind) go out to you Bee darling & everyone else who can identify with this.
But I have a had what we are calling a "phase" not an actual relationship with someone like this. We had nothing in common at all & still don't. I barely knew the guy but the more I did get to know him the more I didn't like him & I was still calling him my boyfriend! For me it was just that when we were introduced - I had butterflies. & I think when he asked me out it was perhaps more that I was flattered that someone actually liked me. We didn't end on bad terms, it only turned bad when he just wouldn't stop calling...he went kinda stalker on me AND then Isi...not cool...then I found out about his secret plans to corner & kiss me at a party...we're at least civil now lol.
But perhaps it was just the notion of being wanted around by another person & I had never had a boyfriend before - but when I say we had nothing in common, no same or even simmilar values...I'm not joking! Weird but it isn't anything uncommon...the question still remains for me though...WHY?! WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!!!
People are willing to overlook some things when getting to know others. People also put on different manners when trying to make a first impression.
After that phase wears off, then the real person comes out and that person may not be so enjoyable to be around.
Maybe it's our attitude from the start. When we first like someone, we only want to be with them to satisfy that feeling we have of wanting to be with them. In some ways it's a selfish feeling. But it's not a bad thing though, if love happens, you start to care about how the other person feels rather than just your own feelings. And maybe when we get into the relationship a bit more, and we realise they aren't satisfying that feeling we have, thats when we start to see that other side to them.
But what you said about them putting their good foot first is true. always observe your future lover around people they are with everyday. See how nicely they treat people that they don't have to be nice to. So don't put your good foot forward until you've seen thier true colours. As soon as someone knows you're interested in them, they are going to put on thier good colors.
And maybe we should be able to ask thier ex-partners for references or something =P You know when you go for job interviews, and they always want you to have a few references, maybe we should get references off the previous people who have been employed there. That and triple time for working on your birthday! Double triple time if it's on the weekend. Come on, who wants to work on the weekend if it's your birthday!
It seems inevitable that we will date someone who is ultimately wrong for us at some point or another. Though some people never realise and wind up married to the wrong person (you've all seen it). Fortunately most of us realise and get out of it before becoming too involved. I did get a bit too involved in my first relationship and wasn't able to see how wrong she was for me, of course now almost two years after i can see how badly my life was brought down because of that relationship and am glad to be out of it. But hey i wonder if my life would be as good as it is now if i had never been with her, makes you think.
Bee, I've missed hearing from you. I was afraid I'd said something that offended, but glad it appears that's not it. Sorry you went through all that, i.e. what this post's about, date to hate. That's why a long courtship is a good idea. My wife and I have been through the mill and lots of fights, but closer now than ever and we're both glad we stuck it out, but it has been incredibly challenging to say the least. Marriage is a lot like your date to hate post, but if you get past hate, you can often find your way back to love. But not always.
Ok my comment is a little late but i have 2 words for you Bee...Carpet F**ker
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